Can we start forgetting this happened?

 

All the scarring, none of the scare.

Hanna Barbera! Was this movie terrible or what? It took me this long to extrapolate on this turd because I didn't want to destroy one of my favorite horror icons by even seeing this thing. However, morbid curiosity would not take a rest and I rented it. In hindsight, I wish I wouldn't have done that, seeing as Michael Bay will get paid for destroying my childhood. Son of a bitch, what's with this guy and his Platinum Dunes crusade to destroy all that was great with classic 70's and 80's horror?! The Friday the 13th reboot was at least interesting because they gave Jason a touch of humanity, not that he needed it, but the new Freddy is not one thing like the old. Haven't we gone through this already with The New Nightmare? They tried to replace Robert Englund then and NO ONE liked that movie. I really like Jackie Earl Haley; I thought he was awesome as Rorschach in Watchmen, probably the best casting job for that movie over all. However, Jackie Earl Haley sucked the life out of Freddy Krueger. The jokes/one liners were not funny or scary in fact they were laughable for all the wrong reasons. The over the top death scenes and premise of the original movies, no matter how outlandish, complimented the fact that all of the killing and terrorizing happened in dreams; this makes any of the stupid bullshit, like the little meatball head pizza make sense.
                                                           
                                                               
See, that's awesome enough to put you off meatball pizza for at least a month! Remember the girl who pumped iron to cheesy 80's rock music and hated bugs? What's her ultimate fate? She gets her arms crushed by her weights and turns into a bug and then gets squashed.It all looks  very painful and horrific...see below.

If anything, this is a really interesting and imaginative take on delusional, self-loathing teenage psychosis. She obviously works out to feel powerful (she's the tough bitch, remember) and hates anything she deems as unpure or dirty (cockroaches, cigarettes etc), thus what could be worse then being overpowered and turned into something she sees as completely dirty and unpure. It's quite brilliant when you think about it, because it's so weird, enetertaining and above all...simple.
Where was the imagination in this new piece of garbage? All the best kills were the ones from the first movie and by contrast, they didn't even make sense in this one. What was the point of Tina being in the body bag here? There wasn't one except they had to fill their script with things that would be reminiscent of the original so they could use the name and character to make money.

I mean, no matter how cheesy that is, it was relevent to the time and still makes you chuckle. Unlike this shitty remake. When can we start healing from this atrocity?

 

How awesome is that? He has a powerglove!